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Advocating for Your Child

Janet Huddleston knew her son Drew’s multiple food allergies (dairy, nut, egg, fish) would be an issue when he started kindergarten: Traditional classroom snacks like cookies and birthday cake were not just unhealthy, they were dangerous. So the Pittsburgh mom arranged a meeting with the principal, school nurse, teacher, and aides. “I put together a detailed presentation on why ‘normal’ snacks were a problem for Drew, and I offered up some doable options.”  One idea—limiting classroom treats to fresh fruit and veggies—was welcomed by school officials. “The policy not only kept Drew safe, but it was healthier for the other kids as well,” says Huddleston.

Whether your child has an ongoing issue, such as allergies or a learning disability, or a one-time problem, like a conflict with a teacher, at some point you may need to be his advocate at school: speaking up for him and working with other adults on his behalf in ways that, as a kid, he can’t. That might mean asking for extra tutoring, occupational therapy, or a new seat in class. Here’s how:

Ask yourself: Do I really need to get involved?

There’s a fine line between helpful advocate and helicopter parent. “If it’s a question of safety or health, you certainly need to step in,” says parenting and education expert Michele Borba, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. More often, however, you have to make a judgment call. Situations where you probably shouldn’t butt in: Your kid didn’t understand a homework assignment (unless it seems to happen every day) or he complains about a classmate not inviting him to a playdate (working through personality conflicts is a learned skill). “You want to empower your kid to ask questions, clarify instructions, and get along with classmates, not rely on you to solve every little problem,” says Borba. However, she adds that if you suspect bullying that causes physical or emotional distress, or notice a regression in your child’s behavior—baby-talk, thumb sucking, clinginess—that lasts longer than a couple days, it may be time to intervene.

Go through the proper channels.

If you decide to advocate, don’t just show up at a school official’s office and expect to discuss your child’s ADHD or reading problem on the spot, says Susan Cooper, a former vice president of operations for a chain of 350 preschools. “Start with the classroom teacher, and ask her what’s the best way to talk—texting, e-mail, phone?” she advises. “It’s never wrong to keep an open line of communication, but you need to find the right time for serious discussions.” If the situation (like bullying) warrants an in-person meeting, ask that the appropriate professionals (such as the principal, school nurse, and counselor) be involved from the get-go, rather than have to repeat the same information multiple times.

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